Brokenness

It has been a rough few weeks for me, emotionally. I have been in a long (for me) spell of depression - it's been nearly a month and a half, which isn't long for depression but is long for me, and it's only just starting to fade - spurred on by my natural tendencies, the apparent collapse of any sort of relationship with Martin (even friendship, it feels like), stress, Sara's visit, and Megan's rapid decline and death. I feel emotionally broken. (And quite a bit of it is due to the Martin situation. Katie said once that she admired the way I kept falling in love and kept hoping to fall in love, even after Corey, and CD, and Lloyd, and Peter, and everyone in between. Right now I no longer think that's even true. I think that my hope that I will have that kind of love is dead. See also my post on The Office.) Anyway, I feel emotionally broken in a way that I haven't for a while. And I was thinking about it on my walk to the store a few days ago, and how the typical prayer for "brokenness" is "Lord, I am broken; help make me whole." And I do understand the purpose, both emotionally and theologically, of that. But I can't help thinking that it's a little bit unrealistic and sets people up for further disappointment. Because the world is broken and has been since the fall of Adam and Eve. It will not be made whole again until the second coming of Christ. Why should an individual, or people in general, expect anything different or better? We are broken by sin from birth and will not be made whole until we are reunited with God in heaven. So to my mind right now, a better prayer would be "Lord, I am broken; help me to accept my brokenness." Or "temper my brokenness." Or something like that. And if you must have something about wholeness, "lead me on the path to wholeness." But saying "Lord, make me whole" is kind of like going to a parent and saying "Fix it!" Sometimes things can't be fixed with the time and materials available. It is unreasonable to expect wholeness in a broken world. What we can expect, though, and as for, is acknowledgment and acceptance of our brokenness; soothing of our rough edges so that we don't cause further harm to ourselves or others; and perhaps the opportunity to be a puzzle piece in the body of Christ (and how's that for a mixed metaphor?) - something that requires us to be incomplete in ourselves but which adds to the wholeness of God.

I just feel that asking to be made whole provides (some) people with unrealistic expectations - that when their lives are not instantly better in the way that they want, they will give up hope. I also think that it is unreasonable to expect wholeness (not healing, but wholeness) in a broken world. Nothing is impossible with God - but in our linear time frame, our understanding of it is.

Lord, I am broken. Help me to accept and heal my brokenness.