Run, run, as fast as you can

Race for Life Training: Day 1

Time to race: 2 months, 11 days

I started training today for the Race for Life that I’m running in just under two and a half months now. I remembered two things:

1. I do actually like running.

2. I suck at running.

(Race for Life is basically Relay for Life, but it’s a set distance. The one I’m doing is a 5K. I’m running with a friend of mine. I’ll put up a link to the fundraising page once we’ve tweaked it just a little bit.)

Getting in better shape has been a goal of mine for years, but I am lazy. I end up with this weird mental block about when I can do things and then inertia takes over and I just sit on my bed and watch videos and check Google Reader and check facebook and check my email and check Google Reader and check facebook….. Race for Life is my motivation. I know that in two and a half months, I have promised to run a 5K. Therefore, I have no choice.

It was great today. A really comfortable temperature for being outside – better than our house, at least. And it seems like I went at the perfect time, since now it’s getting dark and cloudy. I went twice around the lake at the park, jogging about a third of it. I probably could have done more, but I didn’t want to feel like collapsing on the way home. I met lots of cute dogs, too. I miss having a pet (I am a cat person but have no problems with dogs) so I always enjoy seeing the ones on walks, and feel kind of bad when their owner tries to pull them away.

And, even though I suck at running – like I said, I only jogged about a third of my distance today – I do enjoy it. I enjoy the endorphins. I enjoy the sense of accomplishment. I have just been brainwashed by a lot of different people to believe that I’m not athletic, that I am incompetent at physical activity. I had a great PE teacher in elementary school. Fourth grade on was a totally different story. This is an opportunity for me to rewrite that programming. I’m not the best athlete. I still can’t throw or catch and have a fear of spherical objects flying at my head. But I can run. I will run.

Cravings

I am a firm believer in the idea that you should give in to your cravings. Within reason, of course. I'm not a hedonist. But cravings are one way that your body tells you what you need. If you're craving fish and chips, it's probably because you need whatever nutrients and starches are in fish and chips, and you are perfectly justified in paying the 1.99 for a Sainsbury's ready meal even though you've told yourself that you won't buy any more food until you eat what you have in the house.

Reading cravings work the same way. They tell you what your mind and soul needs. And if you try to force a book on your mind that doesn't fit those needs, it can go very badly.

For example, I have 25+ books on my shelves that I haven't read and want to. I started reading one a few days ago. it's by a writer whom I like (at least, I liked his first book). But I can't get into it. It doesn't hold my attention. It doesn't fit my cravings. There's nothing wrong with the writing. It's just not what I'm looking for right now.

And then I went to the newly refurbished local library (which has beautiful new self-service machines) and came out with three books that I will probably finish in the next couple of days: one that I read about on a blog just recently, and two by an author that I've had a craving to reread for ages. I'm already further in one of the books I checked out four hours ago than I am in the book that I've been reading for four days. I also had a craving to sit in a coffee shop - or at least an aversion to sitting at home - so I did that too, and wrote a letter, a poem, and a journal entry as well as reading several chapters.

Give in to the cravings. Your spirit will thank you.

Look! I have friends! And other miscellany

Three days in a row, including tomorrow, I will spend at least a few hours a day with friends. As in, leave my house and deliberately go somewhere to spend time with people I don’t live with. I’m always a little bit amazed when this happens. I forget, sometimes, that I have friends who want to and can spend time with me.

Yesterday I had lunch with a flatmate from last year, who just got a PhD place here. So yay! She’s coming back to town! It’s very exciting! Especially since she’s the one flatmate from last year that I’ve kept in consistent touch with. And it’s inspired me to at least think about getting back to my own research stuff. I started reading Pearl last night. It’s slow going, but Middle English always is.

Today I was sitting on my bed, slowly getting ready for the day (not unusual), in my bathrobe and towel-turban, when there was a knock on my door and a friend called “BREAKFAST!” So I got dressed and he treated me to breakfast. Then he accompanied me to my initial counseling session, and after that was over, we went to Nottingham Contemporary for the Star City (art and propaganda surrounding the Soviet space program) exhibit.

And while we were doing that, I got a text from another friend, inviting me for coffee before she leaves next week. But I was, of course, unavailable, so I suggested tomorrow instead (we’re meeting for lunch). I’m going to miss her sooooo much when she goes.

I really like Nottingham Contemporary as a gallery. As a building, it’s growing on me although I still think it looks out of place. But as a gallery, it’s lovely. The current exhibit (their second), as I said, focuses on the Soviet space program. It’s named Star City, after the cosmonaut quarters outside of Moscow. It’s primarily modern art, although there are some prints of propaganda posters. It’s also a multimedia exhibit, with a few video and audio things complementing the visual art. The first two galleries also had a sort of electrical theme to them. There was really only one piece that stood out to both me and my friend as “good”* - a sort-of abstract representation of a womb with a red fetus and a black fetus (twins). The red one had a small picture of Castro and the black one had a small picture of Kennedy. I can’t remember the full title, but “We are twins” was a part of it. There was also a giant spacesuit – able to be walked through – representing Tereshkova. One of the things that the Soviet space program did so much better than the US space program was diversity, especially inclusion of women.

*We both agreed that we don’t really “get” modern art in many cases. I was reminded of that Murphy Brown episode, as I almost always am while at contemporary art galleries.

For my birthday, my awesome housemates got me the DVD set of Casualty 1900s, which I had been wanting for a while. And I am obsessed, and can’t stop watching it. There are only 10 episodes at this point, and no word yet on whether there will be another series (season), but I love every single one. It’s so well-produced, well-written, well-acted, and above all, historically accurate. Historical fiction of the highest quality, with a touch of the soaps thrown in. It’s made me ever so interested in medical history, as well as the personal histories of the characters. (Like the lead romantic couple, Dr Culpin and Nurse Bennett, who did get married in real life, eventually.) It’s also helped me clarify my “modern” history/literature interest, which is absolutely Edwardian. Give me 1901-1919 and I’m happy. Much past that, and you get into officially modernist territory, which I really don’t like as much. Even my true literary love, Forster, is more appealing to me in the early works (Room with a View was 1906, Howards End 1910). I knew this before, of course, but this has helped me actually formulate it.

Entering my 30th year

364 days to get my “before I’m 30” list done. And instead of doing anything productive on the list, I’m lying on the couch, ill, and watching DVDs. It’s really not that different from what I do during the day, except that I’m slightly feverish and coughing, and therefore allowing myself not to feel guilty about not working on my books and stories. I’m also allowing myself to stay inside all day – normally I force myself outside at least once a day. I did answer the door earlier, so that counts as my fresh air for the day. It’s really too bad, because it was beautiful and warm today. But I am staying in bed until I am well, or at least better.

Overall, it was a pretty good birthday. Apart from the being ill thing, of course. I got lots of birthday wishes on facebook. Some were expected, some were unexpected. All were welcome. I had nice long conversations with some people and watched The Princess Bride with my housemates, who’d never seen it.

The best part about my birthday was that I hadn’t really missed out on any celebrations. My housemates and I all have birthdays within about six weeks of each other, and this year our combined ages add up to 100. So last weekend we had a joint birthday party for the four of us. The theme was 100 Years Under the Sea, because of our birthdays and the Dolphin Paradise. Of course, being a party that my housemate planned, it was a costume/fancy dress party. I just wore a pretty dress and called myself a water nymph. Among the others were a mermaid (housemate), the Titanic (housemate), a scuba diver (friend, won prize for best costume), a mob informer (friend), a sailor (friend), and a disguised merman (friend, won prize for best excuse). It was a great party. Some people got very drunk (not me, I don’t drink to excess anymore if I can avoid it), and I stayed up until half past five talking to one of my housemates. (This is one of the reasons that I am sick.)

Looking back on the last year, it’s been very eventful. I got an MA, I had a fairly active social life, I moved house (from the dorms to an actual house), I had a minor breakdown and actually sought help for it (and got help for it, also unusual), I went back to the States for whirlwind events (my sister’s M.Ed. and my grandfather’s funeral), I won a short story contest, and I continued my almost decade-long quarter-life crisis. I still don’t know what I want to be “when I grow up”, at least not what I want to do to make a living. I still want to write, I still do write, but I need something to keep paying the bills, and teaching is on hold until I get myself mentally stable again.

And I have 364 days to finish my list.