Soap Operas

Guiding Light, the longest running entertainment program in the US, ended last week after 72 years on radio and TV. I find this kind of sad. I understand that the TV industry is just that, an industry, and it’s driven by costs and ratings, but soap operas and Guiding Light in particular seemed like stalwarts, like they’d never end. Even if other soaps failed (Sunset Beach, Loving/The City, etc.), soaps in general would go on, and Guiding Light would always be there.

I used to be a huge soap opera fan. My mom watched Days of Our Lives and Another World when I was very young – to the point where, when SoapNet started showing old episodes of Another World, things were familiar. My own personal fandom started one vacation, probably summer vacation, when I was in middle school with The Young and the Restless. After a year or so of that, I moved on to Days of Our Lives (I am slightly embarrassed to admit that the possession storyline drew me in, although it’s not what kept me) and Another World for the last year or so of its existence. Then I found out that an elementary school classmate of mine was occasionally an extra on Guiding Light, so I watched that in the hopes of glimpsing her. My roommate sophomore year of college taped Passions and would watch it every evening, and it was a small room so I watched too. Then, the year after I graduated from college, when I had nothing to do in the afternoons, I turned on the TV. I don’t remember what got me hooked on them, but somehow I ended up hooked on All My Children and One Life to Live, with General Hospital thrown in by the end of the year, partially because I was too lazy/distracted to change the channel. Thanks to SoapNet, I rewatched early-to-mid-80s Another World and kept up on all of the above. When I got my computer for Slovakia, my second year, and was investigating the wonderful world of free podcasts, I rediscovered Guiding Light and newly discovered As the World Turns, both of which had audio podcasts of their episodes. If I’m in a TV-watching mood in the US, I still will happily turn on SoapNet. Soaps are the television equivalent of Harlequin romance novels (which I also enjoy, probably more than I ‘should’). They’re formulaic, they’re repetitive, they require attention but not a lot of thought to consume, and every once in a while there’s something that stands out as beautiful or genius or true.

The thing about soaps – and fiction in general – is the story. That’s why I watched, anyway. (That and the hot guys.) Humans are a story-telling animal. That’s why even non-fiction books have to have some kind of narrative structure to them and some kind of character to identify with and care about. If they don’t, it’s like reading the dictionary: informative, but not something that (most) people do cover-to-cover or for fun. I watched (or, that year in Slovakia, listened) because of the story, because of the characters. I wanted to know what happened to these people, and I wanted to know how and why it happened. (And if the story didn’t turn out the way I wanted, John and Natalie on OLTL, then I often drifted away if there wasn’t any other story keeping me hooked.)

The other thing that soaps can provide is history. Guiding Light was on the air for 72 years, and one of the reasons that it survived so long is because of its slow transitions through its history. That’s how most of the soaps that are still on survive. They started with a core group of people – usually a family – and introduced new characters in connection with that family, not in isolation. As the new characters became established, then perhaps the original group would fade out, but not until then. This is one of the problems with soaps today. In a desperate attempt to attract new viewers – especially in the summer when teenagers are out of school – producers throw new, usually teenaged characters at the show in a usually-futile attempt to make something stick. If these newcomers have a connection with established characters, it’s tenuous or very limited – in a new group of five ’16-year-old’ characters, one may be the child of a supercouple, usually a child that we haven’t seen for a while who has now undergone SORAS [Soap Opera Rapid Aging Syndrome] and should really only be about 8 years old if we’re going by real time. (This is also one of the reasons that soap opera mothers can steal their daughters’ boyfriends – at a certain point every character over the age of 21 is portrayed as within about fifteen years in age of each other, unless they are in ‘grandparent’ character in which case they’re allowed to have grey hair but not usually a social life except in certain circumstances.) The year that I lived at home and was watching four or five soaps a day, minimum, I stopped watching consistently during the summer because I was so annoyed by the new teenaged characters that I didn’t know and didn’t care about. (I learned how to use the DVR so that I could fast-forward through storylines like that that I didn’t like.) Most viewers want the consistency of the history of the soap - an acknowledgment of characters and storylines past - and shows ignore that history at their peril.

Another thing that I find wonderful about soaps is the sheer volume. Almost every daytime soap in the US right now is an hour-long daily. There are no repeats. There are times during the year when they don’t air – major sporting tournaments, especially tennis in the summer, for example – but there is no ‘hiatus’ like primetime shows get. A primetime season of 22 episodes is just over a month in daytime soaps. The sheer volume of work that goes on with soaps is absolutely incredible.

There’s a good mental_floss article about soaps and the ending of GL (I figured since I commented about a bad mental_floss article a while ago I should link to one that I enjoyed). I particularly like the slightly snarky comments that undercut the actual good work that soaps do to highlight social and global issues.

Goodbye, Guiding Light. I'll miss you.

Sometimes you need to talk about something else.

Life kind of sucks right now, so I am in avoidance mode so that I am not in constant emotional-wreck mode.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was talking online to a friend of mine who is also going through a hard time, and we agreed that one thing that would be helpful when we are going through hard times is to talk about something other than what we are going through. Not ignore the bad things, necessarily, but everyone asks, “How’s it going,” and it’s exhausting to rehash everything over and over, and to dwell on it for too long. So my first message to her today was “I’m here for you if you want to vent/rant/talk about something else entirely.” She appreciated that.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have found a way to watch football online. I love football. ‘My’ guys have had a good day, too. By which I mean their names have been mentioned on air. That is exciting for me.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I finally put up almost all the pictures and things on the walls in my room. It still feels kind of like a dorm room, but I’m sure that once I settle more into the rest of the house, that feeling will ease. I still feel like a student, is part of the problem. Once I get a job of some kind I hope that feeling will fade a little bit.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Because of the depression/grieving that I’m going through right now, I have all these ideas for ‘things I should do’ (edit the novel, brush up on Latin, write a PhD proposal, etc.) but don’t have the energy or motivation to actually do them. This, of course, adds to my stress and depression. I’m working on it. Job-searching is soul-crushing and I find myself repeatedly refreshing facebook and twitter for about three hours, and then getting annoyed with myself for wasting time. I really should give myself a break. Something will turn up. It always does, somehow.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Depression/grieving is also exhausting. Even when I haven’t been crying, my eyes feel like I have. Being around other people helps, most of the time, but I can’t count on that for the however many hours I’m awake during the day. I’ve got people-oriented things I can do this next week, at least.

The perfect end to a perfect day

I am not having a good day. I mean, my problems are nothing in the grand scheme of things - many people have it much worse, and even many people I know have it much worse - and they're not even problems as much as 'things-I'm-having-trouble-dealing-with-right-now', but still. Not a good day. I missed out on a job opportunity (I heard about the job on Saturday and probably should have gone in Sunday or Monday, but didn’t, and today it was gone and I got looked at like a crazy person for even asking about it), I’m stressed about various things (including an unexpected casual communication from an ex-love-of-my-life on Monday – not necessarily stressful in itself, but definitely mentally and emotionally confusing), and my grandfather is 91 years old and in imminently failing health. I actually had to lock myself in a bathroom stall at the mall and cry because it was either that or cry in the middle of Market Square. And I don’t cry in public anymore, if I can possibly avoid it. [Actually, I don’t cry anymore if I can possibly avoid it. The last two months have been anomalous.] It’s been full-out tears today, too, not just the deep, shuddering, no-tears sobs that plagued me during the dissertation and concurrent romantic woes.

And then, on Skype, I get this:

-----------------------------------------------------

Hello [my name],

I have been in search of someone with this last name "[MY NAME]", so when I saw your name I was pushed to contact you and see how best we can assist each other. I am Mr. A. Opeyemi, a Banker here in GHANA. I believe it is the wish of God for me to come across you on skype now. I am having an important business discussion I wish to share with you which I believe will interest you because, it is in connection with your last name and you are going to benefit from it.

One Late Shafi C. [MY NAME], a citizen of your country had a fixed deposit with my bank in 2004 for 36 calendar months, valued at US$12,500,000.00 (Twelve Million, Five Hundred Thousand US Dollars) the due date for this deposit contract was the 16th of January 2007. Sadly Shafi was among the death victims in the May 26 2006 Earthquake disaster in Jawa, Indonesia that killed over 5,000 people. He was in Indonesia on a business trip and that was how he met his end. My bank management is yet to know about his death, I knew about it because he was my friend and I am his account officer. Shafi did not mention any Next of Kin/ Heir when the account was opened, and he Shafi was not married and no children. Last week my Bank Management requested that I should give instructions on what to do about his funds, if to renew the contract. I know this will happen and that is why I have been looking for a means to handle the situation, because if my Bank Directors happens to know that Shafi is dead and do not have any Heir, they will take the funds for their personal use, so I don't want such to happen. That was why when I saw your last name I was happy and I am now seeking your co-operation to present you as Next of Kin/ Heir to the account, since you have the same last name with him and my bank head quarters will release the account to you.

There is no risk involved; the transaction will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you and I from any breach of law. It is better that we claim the money, than allowing the Bank Directors to take it, they are rich already. I am not a greedy person, so I am suggesting we share the funds equal, 50/50% to both parties, my share will assist me to start my own company which has been my dream.

Let me know your mind on this and please do treat this information as TOP SECRET and DO NOT respond to this on skype for same security reason. I have more to write you about the details once I receive your urgent response strictly through my personal Email address: [redacted] We can as well discuss this on phone: [redacted]

Have a nice day and God bless.

Anticipating your communication.

Seriously? Dude, if I had more mental energy right now, I’d try to do something like this.* But I don’t, so I won’t. Instead, I’ll just mock them and their obvious find-and-replace/mail-merge style, their TOP SECRET warning, their poor English (although it’s better than most), and the idea that the man died two and half years ago and it’s only now occurring to this guy to steal the money.

Also, I’m changing my Skype privacy settings – which I probably should have done ages ago seeing as I do get any number of random flirtations on Skype (note: starting a conversation with me, a stranger, with a beer stein icon is going to get you ignored and/or blocked immediately. My computer is not a bar, you don’t know me or you wouldn’t start a conversation in that way, go away and leave me alone) but I have had a couple of family members and friends randomly run across me on Skype in the past and I wanted to leave myself open for that. But no more. *shudder*

*even though that makes me miss the friend who introduced me to the site, and remember the circumstances in which he did so, which then makes me start crying again…

Eighteen months to go.....

The dissertation has been turned in; I’m not completely happy with it, to the point where I almost want to apply for a PhD just to have the external motivation to make it better, but it has been turned in and there’s nothing I can do now but wait and hope that I haven’t disappointed my supervisor and second reader.

Today (September 12) marks eighteen months until my thirtieth birthday. In some notebook somewhere I have a list of ‘things I want to have accomplished before I turn 30’. I should find that list. I know one of the things on it is ‘make a decision about a PhD’….so I give myself eighteen months to decide. Another thing I know was on the list was ‘get the novel into publishable form’. So I have eighteen months to get that done, too. I can’t remember what else was on there, other than ‘be or have been in a long-term relationship’ which is not something I can control in the same way…

What else should be on my list?

Another whiny dithering about the end of days

My facebook status right now reads, “Kendra must stop thinking about what could-have-been and focus on what was, and is.” This status is applicable to two different parts of my life right now: my love life (already discussed, at length, and I’m trying not to think about it too much) and my dissertation/academic life.

I realize, when I can think about it objectively, that yes, studying English literature is what makes me happiest, and that if I’d studied math or chemistry instead I would be having these same doubts, but about literature. And one of the reasons that I know this is my dissertation.

I have been reading about this topic (the role of musicians in Middle English poetry) continually since the end of May. I have been reading about it in general since the end of March, when I was writing my proposal, but it has been my main academic focus since the end of May. And I’m not tired of it yet.

There are still so many things that I want to research more and write more about: the symbolism of the harp in Sir Orfeo, the Christian explanations of the various texts, the background and specifics of Middle English romance and minstrel society, the responsibilities of good kings, Richard the Lionheart (and Richard Coeur de Lion), oral transmission and how that did or did not affect (or effect) the stories, and so on. I am not ready to be done with this dissertation. Not because I don’t think it’s ready (although it’s not, even though it has to be), but because I feel like there’s so much more I can do with the topic.

Is that a sign that I really should be pursuing a PhD? That I should start saving now, and work on writing and revising a research proposal? I would just like someone to tell me what to do, and where to start to do it. I clearly don’t have a sense in my own mind. The possibilities are too open for me: I could do anything (within reason) and therefore I can’t do anything.

The end of days

You can tell that the end of my MA degree is approaching, and that I am starting to get nervous about what's next in my life by the growing appeal that the following things have for me:

1. Getting a PhD [It's not that expensive! It's just three more years! So....120,000 more dollars that I would be in debt!].
2. Moving back to the US [I wouldn't have to deal with visa stuff! It would be fine! I could find a job at a company that would send me back overseas and deal with the visas for me!]
3. Moving back to the US to get a PhD [see above....and then I could get a lecturing position over here somewhere!]
4. Joining a dating service to find a Brit who will marry me and keep me in the country forever.

Seriously. None of these things are valid options for me at this point. They're just ways of putting off what I really want to do.

Once I figure out what that is, of course. Other than 'stay in the UK forever'.

I have a Plan. I found out some things earlier today that make me question the feasibility of the Plan, but at the moment, it is a three-year Plan. Year One (this year): work doing whatever I can, to get UK school time, work experience, savings, and build up some income history, just in case. Year Two: Graduate Teacher Program (this is what is causing me some worry....I need to send out some emails next week). Year Three: NQT year. Or other work if necessary. Once the three-year Plan is complete, my sister will have enough experience (hopefully) that she will also be able to move to the UK and get a job, as will my best friend and her best friend. Then the four of us move to London and all get jobs there.

If the Year Two part of the Plan fails me, then I get another job, somehow, that either gives me enough income to stay in the country on a long-term work visa or sponsorship to stay in the country on a long-term work visa or whatever else I need to do to stay in the country on a long-term work visa.

And if not, then I join a dating service and meet a Brit who will marry me and keep me in the country forever.

Poetry day!

In the hypothetical world in which I get married, one of the songs I will have at the reception is The Beatles’ Here, There and Everywhere off the Revolver album. I firmly believe that this is one of the most romantic songs of all time. (I don’t know what copyright restrictions there are about posting complete poems and lyrics and things, so I’m not going to risk it. I got the lyrics from here.)


Let’s start with the very first line:
To lead a better life, I need my love to be here
Now, I am not advocating obsessive and possessive behavior, but I do believe that having a happy relationship/being a happy person will help you lead a better life. It’s like the line from whatever movie: “You make me want to be a better man.” [As Good As It Gets? I don’t know, I just know the line from previews/commercials/etc.] Love should make you want to lead a better life; it should give you the emotional security to be able to do so.

A few lines later:
Nobody can deny that there’s something there.
True happiness is radiant. The best couples that I know have almost visible chemistry together. Friends and strangers alike look at them and know that they are, or should be, together.

Both of us thinking how good it could be.
The best couples that I know are partnerships. Both parts of the couple are invested in the relationship, and involved in the relationship to a similar level. If one person is more ‘in love’ than the other, the relationship is unbalanced, which doesn’t bode well. This line implies that the relationship in the song is equal. They’re both thinking how good it could be – the singer (he, from now on, because it’s The Beatles) isn’t just longing for someone he can’t have.

Same with the next line:
Someone is speaking but she doesn’t know he’s there.
This also shows the girl having an active part of the relationship – she’s just as interested in and captivated by the singer as he is by her. And I’ve totally been in that situation, where I’m with someone I’m interested in and completely forget that there are other people around. It’s a lovely feeling, especially when it’s mutual: when neither of you notice that you're surrounded by other people. *sigh*

Knowing that love is to share
Each one believing that love never dies
More proof that this is not a one-sided, unrequited relationship. This is a relationship that at least has the potential to last a lifetime. This is not a fling, where you expect it to end; this is an actual relationship with all the possibilities that involves.

Every line is like this; the lyrics are perfect. Almost every word either points to the equality of the relationship or the depth of their feelings. They show a couple that is equally dedicated to each other, not just unrequited infatuation like so many ‘romantic’ songs. And the melody is sweet and relatively simple. It’s soft and slow and singable. What better song to play at a (fictional) wedding reception, a celebration of love and partnership and the future?